


The Benefits of Ripped Uniforms

by Darkwood_Princess



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Before DS9, Changelings from DS9, Gen, Is Needed, No real knowledge of Deep Space Nine, also nice spock, at bones' problems, i like spock, jim is a little too happy, like breakaway cat collars, ripped shirts, starfleet uniforms just tear, with the uniform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 19:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10793001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkwood_Princess/pseuds/Darkwood_Princess
Summary: A moment of utter clarity strikes Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy as the latest alien species ready to control the Enterprise against her crew’s whims finishes their xenophobic “take over” rant, yanks him off the deck by his collar, and meets the manufacturing beauty that is a Starfleet issued uniform.OrThere is a reason the Changelings of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine hate solids and doctors.





	The Benefits of Ripped Uniforms

**Author's Note:**

> You don't need to have seen Deep Space Nine to Get This. Also, I should be studying instead of writing, but I needed a small break!

A moment of utter clarity strikes Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy as the latest alien species ready to control the _Enterprise_ against her crew’s whims finishes their xenophobic “take over” rant, yanks him off the deck by his collar, and meets the manufacturing beauty that is a Starfleet issued uniform.

It rips with the screech of cloth strained beyond its admittedly low limits, the sky blue shredding under the changeling’s arbitrarily shaped hands, the black undershirt giving way as the hands mold and stretch to snatch at the cloth further.

It is distressing to see Jim’s face on this being, his charming grin distorted in a smirk of superiority that the real Jim only ever uses as a weapon against those he’s beaten in the defeat of his crew. This “Changeling” is nothing like the Salt Monster that impersonated his Nancy, hunting him down not because they needed sustenance, but out of some misguided decision that “solids must perish” and “he is the perfect weak link.”

(He isn’t about to argue with a being with what seems like double Spock’s strength and none of his ethics in the deserted corridor outside Sickbay at one in the ship’s morning.)

Bones spares a small thought of gratitude to the ‘Fleet engineer who must have thought this whole situation through, weighed the benefits of  a clean and sturdy design versus the actual dangers of space, and came to the conclusion that Starfleet Officers were more in need of clothing akin to the ancient breakaway collars designed for adventurous felines.  He is not by any stretch of the word _comfortable_ as he is thrown heavily onto the durasteel plating in a torn-but-still hanging-on-barely uniform, but he is alive and in a position to reach for the ever-present hypospray he keeps just for situations where he might need a more subtle weapon than a phaser.

If he can fool a High Matriarch of Vulcan with it…

He does not want to admit that his shoulder aches more than it used to as he hits the ground and rolls with the impact, ignoring the fact that he might, just maybe, be getting too old for the shenanigans that are First Contacts on this crazy, beautiful ship.

(Nevermind the fact that it seems incredibly rude to make overtures of peace while preparing to impersonate and tear apart the command structure. Why yes, the Changeling’s vocal pattern was perfect but his stance was all wrong. And ranting your entire plan to the person you’re wanting to impersonate later on? That’s first year mission nonsense.)

Bones overcompensates in his roll, slamming into the opposing wall as the creature laughs, proclaiming in a loud enough voice to show that she/he/they does not consider, “the solids” to be any threat to their Great Link having studied him.  McCoy is smart enough to play to the Changeling’s sense of superiority, knowing that this being has already underestimated him. Yes, it still stings that every alien from here to the end of time seems to think he’s a pushover and yes, he will be regretting this in the morning when the adrenaline wears off and all of his aches and pains lodge formal complaints, but for now he just has to fight the adrenaline and play dead.

It is much easier said than done, but if there’s one thing Bones has learned in the last 4 years aboard Jim Kirk’s Glorified Flying Tin Can, it’s that any race with a superiority complex makes the dumbest errors when they think they’ve gotten the reaction they expected. So it’s really not all that surprising when the Changeling wearing his best friend’s face leans forward to see if he really is unconscious.

A hypo to the face, loaded with enough carfentanil to down ten elephants – and isn’t it sad that he’s done this enough times that setting is saved on his devices- sends the fake Kirk to the deck in a pile of unconscious goo.

“Teach you to impersonate a Starfleet Captain! You got the attitude all wrong.”  He ignores the indignity of pronouncing this to an otherwise empty corridor in an indecently torn uniform with an unconscious enemy and focuses on raising the alarm before the puddle of now golden goo can reform.

When Jim and Spock arrive with Chief Giotto to find him cautiously watching their imposter, the only thing his Captain can truly do, once they’ve scooped their guest into one of Sulu’s special botany pots for riotous greenery, is laugh because, _“Bones, it looks like you’re going to have to requisition a new uniform, do you need the form I use?”_

And if he swats cantankerously at the Captain, Spock turns a blind eye because it was only last week that he was on the receiving end of the same comment  after an away mission gone awry and a gloating Jim “ _You-Two-Always-Double-Team-Me-On-The-Ripped-Shirts-Thing-Isn’t-Payback-Grand”_ Kirk is even more illogical than usual.

Jim’s good humor vanishes when the changeling escapes the ship right under their vary noses, but Bones cannot fault him the small joy the escapade briefly brought him, even if it does mean he has to do the Starfleet walk of shame to the quartermaster to return the shredded uniform for recycling.

(Jim has been down there so often that there’s a running tally on the archaic whiteboard, numbering the shirts that have been sacrificed on the altar of the Captain’s curiosity. Only Engineer Scott has come close to destroying as much Starfleet Property.)

And if his name is laughingly added to the board, Bones merely smiles. Crew morale is more important than his pride any day.

**Author's Note:**

> There was a scene in Deep Space Nine where the Changelings mention that they’d faced hostility from solids in the past and I always kind of assumed that their issues were a two way street, where maybe they were responsible for some of that hostility due to a sense of superiority or perhaps a youthful, Trelane-like member. 
> 
> I also wondered why they targeted Dr. Bashir when they had their pick of people on DS9 and I mentally extrapolated to this, that it was revenge for the actions of a previous Starfleet Doctor who got the better of them. Not to mention the mystery of the always ripping uniforms. Had to tackle that. ; )


End file.
